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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995578">We Can Beat Them, For Ever and Ever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsanelycooltheatrekid/pseuds/theinsanelycooltheatrekid'>theinsanelycooltheatrekid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, Will tag as I go along, and they were ROOMMATES, oh my god they were roommates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:43:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995578</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsanelycooltheatrekid/pseuds/theinsanelycooltheatrekid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor Murphy, the resident freak of high school.<br/>Connor Murphy, the guy who threw a printer in 2nd grade.<br/>Connor Murphy, older brother of Zoe Murphy, Evan's longtime crush.<br/>Connor Murphy, who disappeared Senior year, to god knows where.</p><p>Connor Murphy, Evan's roommate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. E</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>felt an overwhelming urge to write a college au.  have no idea how often i'll update, as my focus is mainly on inwibidwoe, but i love this au so i will be keeping this up. &lt;3</p><p>(fic title from Heroes by David Bowie)</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i have decided that each chapter will either be titled E or C depending on the pov :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Huh. </p><p>The dorm was completely empty.</p><p>Evan dropped his huge duffel bag onto the left bed, stepping back to survey the room. It consisted of two single beds, one against each wall, with a desk at the end of each. The desk on the left had the advantage of a window right above it. Well, his roommate wasn’t here yet, so it was his own fault that he was stuck with the other bed. And the other desk. </p><p>Oh shit. Evan had totally forgotten to check who his other roommate actually was. His eyes darted around for the little slip of paper, knowing that he had been holding it when he had walked into the dorm. </p><p>He was interrupted by the door slamming shut behind him. He spun round, holding out his hand hastily and fixing a smile onto his face. He would not let himself fuck this one up.</p><p>“Hi! I’mEvanHansenandI’myou’renewroommate!” he shot out. Still smiling, he shifted his gaze up to the newcomer’s face. </p><p>Fuck.</p><p>“Hansen.” Blue eyes stared back at him, one of them tainted with a splash of brown. </p><p>“Murphy.” Evan tried. Nope, that felt weird. “Uh, C-Connor. It’s good to s-see you again?</p><p>Connor made a non-commital noise, throwing his bag unceremoniously to his bed, where it landed with a large thump. “I’m going out,” he announced. </p><p>Evan felt lightheaded. He took a deep breath, paused a moment, and did the only thing he knew how to do. He called Jared.</p><p>“Jared!” Evan hissed. “Connor’s here!” </p><p>“Connor? Connor Murphy?”</p><p>Evan nodded frantically until he realised Jared couldn’t see him. “Yeah.”</p><p>“As in, Connor-tried-to-kill-himself-senior-year-then-disappeared-off-the-face-of-the-earth-Murphy?”</p><p>Evan blew air out of his cheeks. “Yeah.”</p><p>Jared let out a low whistle. “Holy shit, dude! And what, you just saw him? He tried to shoot up the campus yet?”</p><p>
  <em>Here goes. </em>
</p><p>“He’s my roommate.”</p><p>Evan flopped on the bed as Jared screamed excitedly into his ear. He was pretty sure that the screeching noises that Jared was making could be counted as excited. </p><p>The door swung open. “Shit Jared he’s back I’ll text you,” Evan muttered quickly into the phone before jamming his finger on the “end call”. Connor gave him a look and Evan gulped, before he turned to survey the room. </p><p>“You took the good desk.”</p><p>“I-uh-yeah, but y-you can have it if you want. I don’t really mind,” said Evan quickly. </p><p>“Nah, you’re good. I can like, decorate the wall or some shit. I dunno.” Connor rubbed at the nape of his neck with his hand, eyes darting around the room. Evan squinted. He was… trying to be friendly? </p><p>Well, he hadn’t shoved Evan to the ground yet, so that was definitely a plus. Evan didn’t even know why he was thinking about that. Connor had probably forgotten all about it, anyway. He certainly hadn’t ever mentioned Evan’s therapy letter again. The one that was effectively a suicide note. </p><p>None of this part of the plan. Evan’s plan to start a new life, a new world away from the disasters of high school. He wanted to start completely afresh. He hadn’t counted on running into Connor Murphy, of all people, or any of their ex-classmates, ever again. Apparently the universe was against him and his plan.</p><p>His eyes followed Connor as the taller boy started pulling things haphazardly out his bag. He watched as he climbed over his desk and started fixing multiple posters and photos to the wall. </p><p>Evan coughed. “Uh, need any help?”</p><p>“Nah, Hansen, you’re good. I got this.”<br/>
Just then Connor’s foot slipped and he very nearly tumbled right off the desk. </p><p>Evan raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”</p><p>Connor fell back onto the bed, clutching his ankle and wincing. “I’ll live.” He pulled out his phone and  shoved his headphones in, clearly not in the mood to talk. </p><p>Evan wondered if he was ever going to be in the mood to talk.</p><p>Fuck this. He was going to have to say something.</p><p>“Uh, Connor?”</p><p>“Hm?” Connor replied, sliding his earbuds out and looking at Evan expectantly. </p><p>“Y-You remember high school, right?”</p><p>Connor looked perplexed. “High school? Yeah, I remember high school. What about it?”</p><p>Evan’s stomach dropped. He didn’t remember. “Oh. Um, never mind.”</p><p>Connor was still looking at him. He swallowed and reached for his phone.</p><p>“You mean your letter?” said a voice. Gentler, softer than the one he was using before. “I remember it, Hansen. Fuck, that shit spoke to me. Everything you wrote, I felt the same way.”</p><p>Evan laughed weakly. “Even the part about Zoe? Th-That’s kinda weird, Connor,” he quipped. </p><p>Connor just looked at him. “You know what I mean.”</p><p>“I-”</p><p>“Let’s face it; would anyone even notice if I just disappeared?” Connor sighed and reclined further into his mattress. “Your words, not mine.”</p><p>“I noticed. When you disappeared.” Evan stated quietly. </p><p>They looked at each other, unblinking, unmoving. </p><p>Connor looks away first. “You did?” His voice was barely a whisper. </p><p>Evan nods. Connor must catch the movement at the corner of his eye, because he rolls over to face Evan again. “I should’ve talked to you.”</p><p>The hairs on the back of Evan’s neck stood up. “You should’ve.” he replies, ever-so-quietly.</p><p>“We can always talk now, if you want.” Connor’s voice is so low, so quiet, that Evan would’ve missed it if he hadn’t been listening so closely.</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>
  <em>That’s what roommates are for, right?</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>jaredk: so howd it goooo</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: i mean… he didn’t kill me?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: a shame</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: rude</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: why the lack of capitals this is nt like u at all</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: on pc</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: ah<br/>
jaredk: did u bone yet</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: jared wtf!!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: ha u never kno<br/>
jaredk: srsly tho what happened<br/>
jaredk: will u still be alive next week </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: yeah it was all good mostly. we agreed to talk. </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: oooh</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: -_-<br/>
evanhansen: he’s here. he just walked in.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: bye then </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: no don’t go<br/>
evanhansen: jared???<br/>
evanhansen: dude come back<br/>
evanhansen: jaredddd<br/>
evanhansen: ffs<br/>
evanhansen: play minecraft later</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: fuck yh minecraft</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: wyd</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: texting u, nerd<br/>
jaredk: gtg</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>evanhansen: bye!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>jaredk: :P </strong>
</p><p>Evan closed down Instagram and snuck a glance at Connor, who had just plopped face-down on his bed. “Hey.”</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay then.”</p><p>Evan shut his laptop and left the dorm.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. E</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw panic attacks, reference to a past suicide attempt if you squint</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hansen, when I tell you to fuck off, I don’t mean you literally have to leave. This is your dorm too, I’m not that much of an asshole. It just means I don’t really wanna talk.”</p><p>“Oh, right. Sorry.”</p><p>“No need to apologize,” Connor sighed, tapping his pencil frustratedly against his desk. </p><p>"Sorr- um." Evan cleared his throat. "What're you working on?" he added, seeking to gloss over the sticky moment.</p><p>“Drawing.”</p><p>Evan nodded. He didn’t want to pry and ask what Connor was drawing, but he did really want to know. Not even a minute later, Connor tossed the paper over his shoulder, now screwed up into a tiny ball. It landed on the floor by Evan’s bed, and he slowly tried to reach for it.</p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare.” Connor was now glaring at him from the desk.</p><p>Evan flinched slightly, letting out a squeak. “S-Sorry. I’ll-I’ll just-” he stuttered, flailing his hands around wildly before taking off for the bathroom.</p><p>Once he was safely inside, he let himself crumple to the floor, drawing his knees towards himself and rocking back and forth. </p><p><em>Stupid, stupid, stupid. Can’t even go one day without having a panic attack in the bathroom over some small interaction. You were supposed to make your mother proud. Look at you. Connor would be so much better off with a better roommate. You’re not good enough. Not for him, not for anyone. Freaking out in the toilet all because someone was a tiny bit mean. Normal people just shrug and move on, you pussy.</em> </p><p>A sob ripped itself from Evan’s chest, and he cried out, head spinning. Had he locked the door? He was sure he had locked the door. What if he couldn’t unlock it and could never escape? What if there was a fire and he was trapped in the bathroom for the last few minutes of his life? What if there was a flood, and he drowned before he could call for anyone? What if-</p><p>“Hey, woah, Hansen, calm the fuck down.” </p><p>A figure loomed above him, shutting the bathroom door. </p><p>“Shit, fuck, I have no idea how to help you. Fuck.”</p><p>Connor crouched down in front of Evan, who allowed himself to peek at the boy, who had a concerned-looking expression fixed upon his face. </p><p>"Can I touch you?" Connor asked, reaching out a hand. Evan flinched away at first: once he assured himself that Connor wasn't gonna hurt him he nodded. Connor tentatively reached for Evan’s shoulder, holding on and squeezing. Slowly, slowly, Evan’s breathing returned to normal. Once he had stopped crying, he mumbled something that could’ve been an apology before pushing Connor off him and stumbling back into the dorm. </p><p>“Hey!” </p><p>He was distantly aware of the voice calling after him, but chose to ignore it as he crawled into his bed, snatching up his laptop and plugging his earbuds in. He selected an educational youtube video on dark matter to watch before spacing out. Connor came in a little while later, collapsing on his own bed with a huff.</p><p>"Dude, you can't just…"</p><p>Evan turned the volume up on his video as subtly as he could, seeking to avoid any kind of conversation.</p><p>“I’m talking to you, Hansen.”</p><p>Evan winced slightly at the harsh tone and pulled his earbuds out, staring at the floor as Connor backtracked. “Ah shit, fuck, sorry. Um, I’d like to talk about what happened, if that’s okay?”</p><p>Evan couldn’t help but snort. Connor quirked an eyebrow at him. “Y-you sound like my therapist,” he mumbled. Connor’s face didn’t move; either he hadn’t heard, or...  “S-sorry, it was s-stupid, k-keep going,” </p><p>Connor twisted himself so that he was kneeling, tucking his long legs under his thighs before settling down onto his feet. </p><p>“Now, would you like to explain why you labelled that thought as ‘stupid’? Remember, in here, try not address any of your thoughts as ‘stupid’ or other negative adjectives, just let yourself talk freely,” recited Connor, with a perfectly straight face. </p><p>Evan burst out laughing. “Oh my<em> God,</em> Connor.”</p><p>“What?” he replied innocently.</p><p>Evan promptly buried his face in his hands, giggling. This drew a slight smile from Connor, who was still resolutely trying to hold his ‘therapist face’. </p><p>“You good?” Connor asked, as gently as possible. </p><p>“Mhm.” Evan had stopped laughing by now. He averted his gaze from Connor’s face. </p><p>“Well, next time, don’t just run out on me, ‘kay? I mean, you can talk to me, I guess. We agreed on that, right? And, um, if you give me some warning then I can definitely try to help when you have a panic attack. If you want? Oh, and… well. I’m sorry I snapped. It’s just…”</p><p>Evan looked up. </p><p>“...yeah,” Connor finished lamely, waving his hand around vaguely. “...yknow?”</p><p>“Uh. Yeah?”</p><p>“Hm. Okay.”</p><p>Connor fell back onto his bed, and Evan plugged his earbuds back in. </p><p>“You have no idea what I’m on about, do you.”</p><p>Evan blew air out his cheeks. “N-nope.”</p><p>“I...I’m not sure how to explain it? But it's just.. Everything feels so big, and tight and there’s just stuff everywhere and every little damn thing annoys you, every noise, or touch, or just anything, like...like you can’t fucking focus unless everythings in pefect order and you snap at every little thing, and everything itches and you feel so closed in and theres just too much and you just want to rip your fucking skin off?” </p><p>Evan gaped at him. “Connor...you. You just described a sensory overload.”</p><p>“A what-now?”</p><p>“Um, it's when your senses are overstimulated? So there’s too much...stuff, for them to deal with and you become like overwhelmed and irritable and just. Yeah. It sucks.”</p><p>Connor squinted at him. “You mean it happens to you too?”</p><p>“Um. Yes? It’s a fairly common thing I guess? For certain people anyway.”</p><p>“Certain people?”</p><p>“Well, like, do you have ADHD?”</p><p>“I...yeah? How the fuck did you know that?I mean, my parents never did anything when I was diagnosed so…” Connor shrugged.</p><p>“Oh. Well that can be a reason. Because sensory information is competing, like, in your brain. And sometimes that can get to be too much.”</p><p>“You’re fucking smart, Hansen.”</p><p>Evan rubbed at the back of his neck. “I mean...not really? I just. Know some stuff.”</p><p>“Well. Thanks for uh, knowing stuff. Is there treatment for it, or…?”</p><p>“You could...you could…” Evan swallowed. “Well, there’s medication? Like Adderall? But it has to be prescribed. Obviously.”</p><p>“Yeah! Yeah, obviously. Don’t think I wanna be near pills anytime soon though,” Connor added dryly. </p><p>Evan’s eyes widened and he immediately began to spew out an apology. “Oh shit Connor I’m so so so sorry that was so insensitive and I shouldn't  have even mentioned pills sorry please just forget I said anything!”</p><p>Connor chucked. “It’s fine, Evan, seriously. Don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Evan gulped. <em>In, out. In, out.</em></p><p>“Sorry,” he managed, one last time, before he snatched up his laptop again. He didn’t think he had the energy for more conversation right now.</p><p>Connor, it seemed, had other plans.</p>
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